GEICO Needs a Tie-in with Durex

GEICO is America's second most popular auto insurance provider writing over $33 billion in premiums per year. Its catchy ads feature a talking gecko telling you how easy it is to save money. But is your auto insurance also your health insurance? It can be...and apparently the no-fault rule applies: An appellate court ruled that "Geico must pay a Missouri woman $5.2 million after she caught HPV from unprotected sex with her then-boyfriend in his insured automobile." Huh?

The woman (identified as "M.O.") said that she "engaged in unprotected sexual activities in Insured's vehicle" in November and December 2017 and that he "negligently caused or contributed to" her catching the human papillomavirus (HPV), a common sexually transmitted infection, court papers said. After Geico turned down her claim, M.O. took the matter to an arbitrator, who found in her favor before a court affirmed the $5.2 million judgment.

Geico appealed, claiming it never had a chance to contest the claim. "But GEICO did have the opportunity to participate and defend its interests — including the ability to challenge liability and damages — by entering a defense of Insured," according to the appeals court opinion, which put the word "did" in bold italics. The insurance company has "no right to relitigate those issues" now in appeal, the court said.

So, the appellate court ruled on the procedure, rather than the merits, of the case. Now it's going to federal court with GEICO arguing that "it never had any responsibility to defend the boyfriend, identified only as "M.B.," because it should be on the hook only for damages coming "out of the ownership, maintenance or use of the ... auto.” Umm, wait, use of the car? Hmm, maybe they got you there GEICO...cars are commonly used for sex, no? Nearly 2/3 of Americans have admitted to doing "it" there. Presumably, as a major auto insurer, GEICO knows a lot about cars and what people do in them. Well, GEICO's position is that "M.O.’s alleged damages have no nexus to the ownership, maintenance, or covered use of the 2014 Hyundai Genesis...[in] other words, the vehicle’s covered use did not cause M.O.’s alleged injuries; instead, her injuries arose from an intervening cause — namely, her failure to prevent transmission of STDs by having unprotected sex."

That seems like common sense, but we'll see. Lawyers are an enterprising bunch. Regardless, we are certain that going forward auto insurance policies will have explicit (no pun intended) language about sex in cars. And maybe policies will also include tips on safe sex, just in case.